Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
