Is it because I queefed?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
