When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
