oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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