I have demons in me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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