the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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