We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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