just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
