I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
