I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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