Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
