Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
