Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
