Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
