All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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