I can't breathe out the right side of my face
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
