i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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