So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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