I wish my penis had an off switch
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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