I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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