What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
