Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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