your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
