I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
