How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
