i just wanna soil my oats bro
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to have your abortion
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
