Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I love you. Go after that dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
