Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
