is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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