you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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