Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
