I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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