I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
