1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
