how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
