bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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