I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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