I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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