Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
