just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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