i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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