Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
