It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
