I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
