I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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