its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
