She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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