yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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