I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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