I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize