i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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