sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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