My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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