drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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