is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
