I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
