I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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