I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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