hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
