Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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