I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
