Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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