I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
