I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize