You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
