I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
