I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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