I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
