I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
