No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
