Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
