Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
