So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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