Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.