The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.