I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.