I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie