if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.