escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
