I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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