I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
