Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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