apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
