We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
