well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
