You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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