Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
