I got chris browned last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
