Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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