It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
