he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just had sex bonerless
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
