Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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