i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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